THE RIGHT THING TO DO?
Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Busy, blah, blah, blah.
Mainly quotes today that I feel should be on here if they aren't already:

'Do not judge a man until you have walked a mile in his mocassins' Native indian saying

'What is the right thing to do? That which helps, not which harms.' Buddha

'Come my friends, tis not to late to see a different world,
And sitting well in order smite, the sounding furrows
for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths of all western stars
until I die.
It may be that the gulfs shall wash us down,
It may be we shall touch the happy isles
And see the great Achillies, whom we knew
Though we are not now that strength which, in ancient times
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are.
One equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield'

Tennyson.

Stay cool and should you need me, you know where I am.

Peat.

A DREAM

Last night, I say night when what I mean is at about 11am when I get up. I had a dream.

In this dream, I had wings. I wasn't an angel as such but I did inhabit a world of beauty, clouds and things. I may have been an angel but the point of the dream wasn't flaming swords and falling demons.

I flew downwards and spotted another angel, a woman. A strange ethereal music was drifting through the air, to which she was flying and dancing. She was the most beautiful thing I had seen. Her hair was golden and it followed her like she was underwater. She caught my eye and continued to dance.

I flew closer and we flew around on another, dancing and flying together. We landed on a nearby cloud. She smiled at me and said:

"Though we are not now that strength which in ancient times,"
And I finished for her,
"Moved earth and heaven. That which we are, we are."

Then I stroked her cheek with my hand and I woke up.

I know it was a dream but it was one of the most beautiful and magical things to happen to me. Not only that but I was torn from that world by reality. I saw her face fade to black before my eyes and then I opened them. Heartbreaking.

I don't know if there's anything else to say.

Stay cool,

Peat.

THE PROMISED LAND

Hello again. I haven't posted for a while. With all the other stuff I have to do I don't really get the time. Plus more people read my Livejournal anyway so I don't really feel the need to write much here anymore. Unless of course it is to bear my soul.

Here's the deal. Aside from Chin's death there is really only a few things I keep REALLY close to my chest. The casual fancies (not the year long obsession, apologies to all involved) stay pretty close to the surface. Buddha likened our souls to lakes. Little stuff bothers the surface but only the really heavy stuff moved the bottom around.

Right down at the bottom of the lake is The Promised land. Which here I shall explain.

I explained this to a close friend whilst drunk once and was delighted that, despite their cynicism, they agreed with me. I read a poem in Lex's car (although he wouldn't tell me who it was by) which could have been written about the promised land.

My friend and I jokingly called it The Promised land, but it could have many names. One I would use would be 'Faere'. As described in 'Smith of Wooton Major' in 'Tales from the Perilous realm' by JRR Tolkien.

It is the place 'over the rainbow' where we can be free and happy. I can't describe it. That feeling that there must be something MORE, something BETTER out there for us. It's not a holiday or something but a place and a feeling. That feeling of longing for somewhere which isn't home but feels like home. I sometimes find myself saying ' I want to go home' when I don't really or I AM home!

That place in the Shawshank Redemption, far away, where Tim Robbin's wants to go.

It's not power or glory or anything like that. It's watching the sunset, strolling through forests, looking out over golden fields. That moment when you catch your breath whilst looking up at the clouds, mesmerised by the beauty. That moment where you think maybe, just maybe if you hold onto it you'll understand it all, you'll see God or know the meaning of it all.

That's what the Promised Land feels like.

I said once that maybe I would dedicate my life to finding it. Maybe I will, but I don't know where to start. I also said that if I couldn't find it, or it didn't exist I would FOUND it.

I would call it 'Escape' and it would be a farm and commune where we could live in harmony with nature. You're all welcome to come, if you feel that calling to somewhere else.

"It may be the gulfs will wash us down,
It may be that we will touch to happy isles
And meet Achillies, whom we knew.
It is true we are not now the strength which,
In ancient times moved heaven and earth,
But what we are, we are.

To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield."
Tennyson
(One day I'll put the full quote up. It's much better than the bits I can remember)

Peat.

APOLOGIES

Okay, I was harsh yesterday and for that I give my apologies. I'm not going to take back what I said, but I could have said it differently. For that I am repentant.

Just read John's blog/essay and he seems to be having a hard time with all these women surrounding him (lucky git). One of the Ladies he mentioned is Laura, proof that most guys who do LARP fancy her. That kind of pressure must be tough for her. Or perhaps she is so wonderfully innocent that she doesn't see all that. In which case I might get to know her better, then decide if we get on.

I must admit though, I've lived through the heartache of not having a girl, sometimes it pays to be single.

It doesn't pay much I'll grant you.

Anyway, gotta go and see 'The Village' despite some git ruining the ending for me I hope it will be cool and atmospheric.

Take care,

Peat.

Peat, begin again.

Okay, here's where I bear my soul. A few people have said this is a brave move. Here we go:

Not too bad now.

Only joking, my life would never be that simple would it? Running through my mind then:

1. Romance: There is a lack of any females on the horizon so in a way it's a good thing that Kiera Knightley could step into my life unchallenged, but seeing my mates tonight getting a great deal of attention from ladies I must say I miss the excitement of the chase. Even though I get scared, but I guess we all get scared. When I get back to Uni, I'm sure things will continue and when I'm least expecting it, BANG. There it is. Hope, yes, that's what it feels like.

2. Betrayal: For perhaps the last time a friend of mine has let me down. Despite everything they didn't turn up where they said they would. I wouldn't mind so much but they were letting down not just me but other people. It broke my heart and I'm not sure I can speak to them again. Sounds horrid and I don't like the feeling but there it is... Not sure I can forgive this one after so many times they've done it before.

3. Friendship: This is going to sound even more harsh but I've realised this holiday that the majority of friends at uni I don't like that much. People repeatedly dig at my beliefs in vegetarianism, pacifism and buddhism and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of taking their jokes (which ordinarily I wouldn't mind but the sheer amount has finally gotten to me). I'm tired of being like a non-person to them. A punching bag and an emotional sponge. I care about them, listen to their problems without ridicule only to have them dig at my problems constantly.

I have a hard enough time in the urban jungle as it is, trying to carve happiness out of stone and concrete without people bringing me down with morals about no-hope, no-fun, no beauty.

To quote Minor threat:
"You say you can't change the world,
At least I'm f*cking trying,
What the f*ck have you done?"

Now, don't get the impression that I'm going to rage at you all. This is just something I had to get off my chest. Don't get the idea that it's EVERYBODY I know at uni because it's not, but those ones I know have good hearts I can't get to because of all the sh*t I get and the barriers we put up to protect ourselves from the concrete jungle.

This year will be different.

Rant over.

Take care, just had to say it.

Peat.