You're Jack! "I am the Pumpkin King!" and
yes you are. Although you have the fame and
fortune, you are not happy. You go and try to
find yourself but in cost of Christmas. In the
end everything is peachy keen and we still love
you.

Which Nightmare Before Christmas Character are you?
brought to you by
Peat.
Piecing together life, piece by piece...

I amNyarlathotep! The 999 forms of Nyarlathotep are a point of meditation for the true initiate. It is through these manifold faces that the secrets of the universe are made known. Called "The Crawling Chaos", Nyarlathotep is the disembodied ego of Azathoth and thus the universal "I" of known reality. Some of the many documented forms are; Father of Knives, Nephren-Ka, the Black Man, the Beast of the Lashing Tongue to name a few.

Which Great Old One are you?

LEAST I COULD DO...


Pass along this small tribute, copy this code.

It doesn't seem right that he has gone at such an early age. I can still hear his voice in my head, crystal clear. As soon as I'd heard two things flashed through my mind:

1. 'He'd have wanted to go that way.' Only joking John, but I do recall that conversation on Room 101 he had with Paul Merton about mortality and how he didn't want to die bending down to pick up something or trying to read the sleave notes of a cassette whist driving a car. And for someone to say of it, 'he'd have wanted to go that way'. But on holiday, with his family, maybe that's a better way to go.

2. I recalled just how short and fragile life is. Songs have also been telling me this:
'You held the world in your arms' for example. How short life is and how it is important to 'carpe diem'.

So here's another meme:


Paladin

Which Diablo character are you?
brought to you by

BACK DOWN TO EARTH

Today's rant is about Gossipmongers and those who spread rumour and lies.

After another tender moment with Fiona my friend Steffi comes over to doomsay the whole thing. What does she know about it? Nothing!!! All she's going on is hearsay and conjecture, just because SHE hasn't seen the way Fiona looks at me, touches my hand, the kiss I got doesn't mean they didn't happen!
(Sigh)
I know she's trying to stop me from getting hurt but she's making a big deal out of something which will make me fail if a big deal is made of it. I shouldn't have got angry with Steffi but I worry that she's going to break my privacy and then everyone will know and that will just make me spin out. I know I talk about it here but this is were I bear my soul, whomever reads this sees it as it is.

What did I tell her? What did I ask her to do two weeks ago you ask?
'Just be cool'. That is all I asked. Three words, just be cool, because if you're not cool then I go crazy and spin out, RUINING EVERYTHING.

And I don't want to ruin everything. This is important to me because I really like Fiona.

I like Fiona because she is both strong and tender. She has had a rough time which has made her independent and strong. She has the courage to go where she wants (heck, she had the courage to show she likes me despite the fact I am clearly mental). She is tender in the fact that underneath her exterior she has a depth which I can see knows few bounds, empathy, caring, understanding. It's all in her big blue eyes and it...

#feels like lightning running through my veins when she looks at me that way...#
(Ahem) Sorry, but it does. Last year I was lost and crazy, she was also hurt and alone. We didn't get together and to be honest, I wouldn't want THAT me being with her. I moved on, now it's like falling for her all over again. I don't want to ruin this because she needs something reliable, dependable in her life and that's what I want to be.

I'm sorry Steffi, but you see know why it's important you stay cool. I am sorry, don't make this trust I place in you (and whoemver else reads this) be unfounded.

I think maybe Bailey is having a similar time. Well I'm here for you buddy. Don't overanalyse it, self-analyse by all means but remember, you can't self-analyse others. So just be cool, these things work out how they work out. Karma, cause and effect and so on. Just be yourself, ultimatley (I sound like Lex sometimes) that is all we can ever be.

Peat.

At the risk of rubbing people's faces in my good fortune, I shall quickly post to say that yesterday signifies the beginning of a new era. A new era of serious rockage, good times and the quest for the promised land.

Imagine, if you will, that I and my closest mates form a brotherhood of post-modern knights. We hold sway at the court of Camelot, we quest for truth, justice and always aid one another and the weak. We follow the rules of chivalry and courtly love (well kinda). We all work differently but are united by fate.

I sense change in many of our lives, this changes shall make us harder, better, faster, stronger (in the words of Daft Punk) if we choose to see them as change for the better, as opportunities not endings.

Yesterday, I was gifted with a weapon my brothers; a bass guitar, black like the night. I was gifted this by a fair damsel whom, if you will permit me, I am quite taken with and whom I believe is taken with me.

My brothers in arms, I salute you, my band is now formed, we step forth today upon the founding of a new realm. My band shall be (almost literally) the ROCK upon which we shall build our keep.

A toast therefore my noble brethren, Bailey, Russ, Lex, Stu, Dan, Louise and any others to whom I have fellowship in the code of chivalry. To the future and the fellowship.

Peat.
For the uninitiated; Yesterday was a very cool day, was given a 'Marvel Heroes chess set', got my bass guitar and from the goofy smile on my face, things are looking up in the romance department. Hyuk yuk yuk.

THE RING OF THE RAMALAMUNGERLIED

So things begin anew and afresh. I'm feeling a lot better, my cold is slowly leaving me and I can actually be enthused about things again!

Let's retread the familiar threads:

1) Ladies:
Having gotten closure with Emily I think I understand where I went wrong with Fiona. I went mental. Simple you might say but at the time... Okay so I was an idiot! What do you want from me!?! ;)

Instead of actually trying to go out with her I just went mad, convincing myself I couldn't have her. To appreciate this fully; In my subconscious; love, attraction, etc are mixed up with longing and perhaps a sense of 'forbidden'. I think this all stems from early crushes and the like on girls I couldn't have at school/6th form (because they had boyfriends, didn't fancy me, etc).

Still with me? To summarise, I like girls I can't have and even when I can have them my mind creates reasons for why I can't have them to try to produce this angst-ridden longing I seem to be so fond of. 'The Peat Melodrama' as some call it.

As for Fiona, I like her but at the time when I first got to know her she had split up with her boyfriend and was in a bad way. I felt I couldn't approach her so I started acting up in other ways (I may have mentioned before about the time I set fire to myself = angst, attention seeking, etc). Ever since I think she has been afraid of me, afraid of my mind, that I could do something crazy but she has expressed some interest.

Then, last night on the bus home I had this revelation. Of course she wasn't attracted to a sad, puppy-love, angst ridden maniac! Why didn't I just be the cool, fun loving, post-modern knight? So, she gets off the bus a few stops before me. I give her a big smile and a gun point. She smiles back in a way I've never seen her do to me before, a cheeky wrinkling of the nose and the cutest grin ever.

Now maybe I'm making too much of this one incident but I think it shows in microcosm what my point is. We act differently around one another when we were both angsty. Her smiles were ones of pity or fear. That one was different. This could be the turning point, not in a romantic sense but in a sense of friendship. And that is one I look forward to.

2) Bailey mentions the Promised Land in his blog, which only goes further to illustrate my point that there is somewhere over the rainbow which is calling to some of us (I know what you mean about the rain :) ). It's kinda like a farm I guess, but what's more important is the feeling you have when you are there. Awe at the beauty and joy at being with your mates are the main ones methinks. Maybe a house together would be cool. It's at least a step towards a community. I am troubled by the amount of evil corporations and governments do. Is one way to be free to remove ourselves from all that? To set up our own realm where people can come and be free?

I read a review of 'The Corporation'. It looks really good and damning of corporations but apparently offers no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. The reviewer summed it up by saying,

"In the sixties, they thought they could change the world, at this rate we'll be lucky if we can save it."

We can save the world my friends. The promised land is out there somewhere.

Peat.
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield

STAY ON TARGET...

Illness yesterday kept me from keeping the two appointments I had to go to. I had to meet my personal tutor and go to a dissertation meeting. Neither one it seems was world shatteringly important but not an great start to the term and a poor first impression for my new Personal tutor. Oh well!

Had the first meeting of Gamesoc yesterday which went okay, despite yet again loosing the only potential female member in the first session. So many sign up at Freshers fayre and so few make it even to the first session (sigh). I had to battle my illness and the fact that I hate public speaking. But it was okay, I get to run a Vietnam-cthulhu game which should be fun. Luckily, John (who writes the blog on my links) is helping me out being a war-studies student he knows about Vietnam so it can be authentic...like. Anyway, going to brain-storm it tonight.

In other news, I may be starting a band with Dan (acoustic guitar), Jeremy (Jazz guitar), Abinav (drums) and me (Bass). Our influences will include 'I am Kloot' and possibly intrumental jazz/blues stuff (I was listening to the Peter Gunn theme tune last night and remebered how cool it is!). Maybe one day we'll support the 'Starrats' (Lex and Stu's band). Speaking of which, already done some footage for the video for that which should be cool. Rock 'n' roll.

As for Ladies, got some closure with Emily which is good. I think I'm ready to completely move on now which is cool. I always had the thought of hope in the back of my mind somewhere that we could be together someday, now I know that won't happen. So I can move on.

That's about all really, maybe going to visit Lex and Stu this weekend before Fools and heroes with Russ (who writes another blog (see links).

Take care of yourselves, and each other

Peat.

Just posted a long thread about Emily. But the STUPID Blogger lost it in the ether. It explained everything, but now I'll have to summarise it because I can't write it all again.

Emily and I get together last summer. But she goes home to see her boyfriend (I can't tell you why, but I don't like him...much). She stays with him. I pine over her over the summer.

We come back to year 2, having been consoled by my mates that I can be with her. I get lost in angst and fail to win fair lady's heart. We meet up again before the end of term and I remember how lovely she is.

This summer I decide to go 'cold turkey' so she'll be out of my system by year 3.

Today I feel the plucking of heartstrings as I see her again. But is this the longing, or the echoes of pain that for a while I saw someone I could love in her big brown eyes but now I can't have her?

In summation, I should give up. But the lesson I learn is that the next girl I'm with I shall treat like a Princess and be a post-modern knight. I don't really know why. It just seems like the best thing to do.

I think that should be the last word on the Emily saga.

Peat.