TURNED INTO AN ESSAY...
Over on Livejournal one of my friends Tom wrote about how blogs and the like (because of their place on the net and the anonymity of those who write upon them) has given everyone the opportunity to allow their voice to be heard by a potentially wider audience.
The result of this is ranting. Of which I admit I am guilty but I at least put a disclaimer at the end of most of my rants explaining how I am often not in possession of all the facts and so all of the above was just my opinion. But ranting seems to be the result of blogs and online journals in general.
Here on 'The Pasty' I don't have a comments function so I don't know what people think of my life (as depicted here). But over on Livejournal people can comment on you posts. Which creates not only a community but a sense of 'self editing'. Not taht self editing is a bad thing in itself but it still creates an image of 'the self' and yet another mask we put on to influence the way people see us. Only this one is in the text of a screen.
In the Buddhist sense of the word this can only be a bad thing. In the abstract world of the computer barriers become raised. Not only are these text-based essays a poor form to communicate (unable to hear the intenations in people's voices nor their eyes or hand gestures, etc which I am sorry but cannot be made up for in 'smileys') but there is another 'voice' which we speak through. Our blogging voice.
Now, I talk about 'the truth', I talk about their being no aspect of my soul unplundered and revealed on this blog (given time, Ram is a deep person ;)) but am I not merely deluding you all with yet another voice? I think my other blog is a case in point. It is true that I beleive the things I say on that blog and will fight the fight but it is essentially a rant page.
So, as always, what is my solution? Well, as always this solution will apply to me and I do not expect anyone else to follow it. Besides, we all wear masks, in various different situations anyway, why should the computer be any different?
But I think for me the solution is merely to be honest and so that is what I shall be on this blog at least. I started this blog so that I could
A) Keep people up to date on my life if they haven't seen me
B) To let people know about the 'real' Ram. In terms of my life, my thoughts, etc.
In general this blog is a sourcebook for Ram. I shall endeavour to be honest in all I do as always and strive to be the best Ram I can be. This is where there is more, more information, more background, perhaps more explaination as to who I am.
I hope John appreciates that uber-update! Now I'd better do some work.
Ram.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Well, my weekend of relaxation is now over. Nothing between me and my dissertation, last essay and exams now. I thought about writing a long version of the weekend here but those who it really affects were there.
Put simply, the weekend, especially friday was great and reminds me of how cool some of my mates really are. And of how much they mean to me.
Just as I was thinking about retiring as a 'Post-modern knight' I did a quiz...
| The Lord You scored 21% Cardinal, 51% Monk, 50% Lady, and 59% Knight! |
| You are of the intellectual breed and yet you are also very interested in war. You are of the aristocracy and head the cavalry a safe distance from the carnage of the front lines. You believe in defeating your enemy with not only might, but also wit. You scored high as both the Monk and the Knight. You can try again to get a more precise description of either the Monk or the Knight, or you can be happy that you're an individual. |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid |
It is perhaps difficult to reconcile both my yearning for a release from conformity and the fact that my life is based highly in a moral code of ethics and of honour. I suppose many might see me as a hypocrite, so I thought it best to explain the rationale behind why I do the things I do.
But another posting might be required for that...
Never forget, Ram is there for you all.
Ram.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
You Are Not Scary |
 Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? |
Man, that essay was a killer. My mind feels numb now. I might go and treat myself to a coffee and a comic I think. Then chill for the rest of the day before doing it all again tommorrow. Only one lecture left of my undergraduate degree and two essays (1 due in tommorrow).
I can't wait for this weekend though. Should be pretty awesome. I've promised myself I'll take a couple of days off to relax as the Institute is closed for Easter weekend.
Anyway, going to go out into the sunshine for a bit before I head home.
Stay cool.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
| Official Survivor Congratulations! You scored 69%! |
| Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive. |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid |
Just call me Reddie :)
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KNOWING THE PATH, AND WALKING THE PATH...
I was reading my little book about the Dhamma on my way to university today and there was a page in it which hit home. This is the wonderful thing about the Dhamma, you can learn the basic concepts in a short space of time but every so often a new concept blows up your view and you see with clarity for a few moments at least.
My last post, the attitude expressed in the majority of it is now being swept away. I hope for the best.
The page spoke of how people get trapped on their path to enlightenment by an image of what they think it means to be a yogi or a meditator or a spiritual person, creating for themselves a struggle to live up to a certain preconcieved way of behaviour. I have been judging myself against some God-like figure. A spiritual master who walks with the grace of angels and sees with unswerving clarity. A man who can aid everyone, no matter what their problem is and who always knows what to say.
Who could possibly live up to that? Not I, and I shouldn't have even been trying. Yet again I come back to thoughts that the true friends I have accept me as I am. They don't want me to be their saint or saviour, they just want me to be their friend. How glorious is that!?! :)
Of course, in a way this doesn't change much, I will still try to better myself, I still care about my friends, more than they perhaps know and I will still fight to better the world. The difference is in my mind and as buddha says:
"We are what we think,
With our thoughts we shape the world."
It seems at the moment we are walking our own paths, John, Chris, Matt, Russ, Ryan and I. As if we have to face our own problems at the moment and overcome them. But as Matt put so well on his blog. We are also a 'support crew' for one another. I like that term.
Ram.
I was reading my little book about the Dhamma on my way to university today and there was a page in it which hit home. This is the wonderful thing about the Dhamma, you can learn the basic concepts in a short space of time but every so often a new concept blows up your view and you see with clarity for a few moments at least.
My last post, the attitude expressed in the majority of it is now being swept away. I hope for the best.
The page spoke of how people get trapped on their path to enlightenment by an image of what they think it means to be a yogi or a meditator or a spiritual person, creating for themselves a struggle to live up to a certain preconcieved way of behaviour. I have been judging myself against some God-like figure. A spiritual master who walks with the grace of angels and sees with unswerving clarity. A man who can aid everyone, no matter what their problem is and who always knows what to say.
Who could possibly live up to that? Not I, and I shouldn't have even been trying. Yet again I come back to thoughts that the true friends I have accept me as I am. They don't want me to be their saint or saviour, they just want me to be their friend. How glorious is that!?! :)
Of course, in a way this doesn't change much, I will still try to better myself, I still care about my friends, more than they perhaps know and I will still fight to better the world. The difference is in my mind and as buddha says:
"We are what we think,
With our thoughts we shape the world."
It seems at the moment we are walking our own paths, John, Chris, Matt, Russ, Ryan and I. As if we have to face our own problems at the moment and overcome them. But as Matt put so well on his blog. We are also a 'support crew' for one another. I like that term.
Ram.
Monday, March 14, 2005
THE REST IS SILENCE...
Put up the address to Matt's blog on the sidebar. Glad to have more in the 'blogging fold' as it were. Except the cheeky monkey started it up in September and didn't tell me! Never mind :)
Ram is in an odd state at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I had an awesome weekend, but there is obviously some bad news within it. I don't really need, or feel I should go into it here but it's the kind of news that puts everything into perspective again.
But, rather than filling me with all sorts of 'Carpe diem' thoughts I feel more like a robot. Like I don't have the courage or the strength to pursue my convictions. What is scary about that is right now I don't think I'd mind if I just faded out of existence for a bit.
I don't think I've successfully helped anyone in any major way over the last six months. I don't think I've been there for people when they needed me, given any sage-like or even, 'good friend' advice. I've been very selfish and hoped that whatever rougish charm I've developed would smooth over any acts of selfishness. Then all this stuff happens recently and yet again I am powerless to prevent it, or even to see with diamond-like vision enough to know what to do or say. Maybe I never will.
The end of another chapter in my life looms ever closer with each day, except instead of reving myself up to take on lifes challenges I'm tied down by academia. I have to keep my head down and work (which I should be doing now, come to think of it). I know there is a lot out there. A heck of a lot and nothing would please me more than to go and seek it, with the people that I love.
But such thoughts seem naive to me now. Have I grown old? Have I lost that which I have struggled so hard to keep? Have I become someone who I don't like again?
Maybe it's just the stress of work or something.
Jase gave me a necklace yesterday, it's the same design as the one he and Lex wear. But I don't think I deserve it.
But that's going to change. I've wallowed too long in this spiritual coma and now it's time to wake up again. I'm going to start afresh again. After all, the past and the future are merely thoughts inside my head. I can be the best Ram I can be.
So I will promise you, my dearest friends. My noble comrades, brothers and sisters.
Ram doesn't give up, he just takes breathers.
Then when the dust settles from all this hardship I see in our lives, we should all get together. I'll bring the ice cream :)
Put up the address to Matt's blog on the sidebar. Glad to have more in the 'blogging fold' as it were. Except the cheeky monkey started it up in September and didn't tell me! Never mind :)
Ram is in an odd state at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I had an awesome weekend, but there is obviously some bad news within it. I don't really need, or feel I should go into it here but it's the kind of news that puts everything into perspective again.
But, rather than filling me with all sorts of 'Carpe diem' thoughts I feel more like a robot. Like I don't have the courage or the strength to pursue my convictions. What is scary about that is right now I don't think I'd mind if I just faded out of existence for a bit.
I don't think I've successfully helped anyone in any major way over the last six months. I don't think I've been there for people when they needed me, given any sage-like or even, 'good friend' advice. I've been very selfish and hoped that whatever rougish charm I've developed would smooth over any acts of selfishness. Then all this stuff happens recently and yet again I am powerless to prevent it, or even to see with diamond-like vision enough to know what to do or say. Maybe I never will.
The end of another chapter in my life looms ever closer with each day, except instead of reving myself up to take on lifes challenges I'm tied down by academia. I have to keep my head down and work (which I should be doing now, come to think of it). I know there is a lot out there. A heck of a lot and nothing would please me more than to go and seek it, with the people that I love.
But such thoughts seem naive to me now. Have I grown old? Have I lost that which I have struggled so hard to keep? Have I become someone who I don't like again?
Maybe it's just the stress of work or something.
Jase gave me a necklace yesterday, it's the same design as the one he and Lex wear. But I don't think I deserve it.
But that's going to change. I've wallowed too long in this spiritual coma and now it's time to wake up again. I'm going to start afresh again. After all, the past and the future are merely thoughts inside my head. I can be the best Ram I can be.
So I will promise you, my dearest friends. My noble comrades, brothers and sisters.
Ram doesn't give up, he just takes breathers.
Then when the dust settles from all this hardship I see in our lives, we should all get together. I'll bring the ice cream :)
Friday, March 11, 2005
 | You scored as Peter Pan. Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up.
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com |
I am Peter Pan! Also, you'll notice I am 75% 'The Beast' as I suspected all along...
Things are pretty good in Ram's world. Trying to keep on top of work and finally managing it!
Going home this weekend to cheer my mates up. They need me to nurture them :)
Here's a wierd piece of my life. Bailey and I refer to a group of our friends who LARP as 'the kiddies'. Why? I'm not sure, for me it has something to do with the fact that Bailey and I have gone to uni and they're all at home and working. It is odd that people like Russ (as I've mantioned before. But this isn't a slight on him and obviously a HUGE generalisation) seem to be at the stage I was at a few years ago only they're the same age as me!
Anyway, as Bailey (as a reaction to me I think), rather than actually being more hard-line takes a strong stance and I take a caring, understanding stance. I like the view that we are the 'devil and angel' upon each of our friends shoulders.
God, it's probably all one big metaphor for something!
I don't really want to go into it a great deal but suffice to say this is further proof towards the adage that the family of the 21st century is made up of friends and not relatives.
Anyway, seeing the kiddies this weekend which will be fun and to play FNH which it seems an age since I did last.
Rock on.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Not a lot of time to write as I'm about to do have another lecture and give a short presentation in it. I hate public speaking but as its only to a small group I'm hoping I'll be fine.
My life at the moment is one where I have so little time to do all the work I need to. The stress of that, plus I'm starting to worry both about my exams and the future. I mean, what happens if they don't let me return to do my Masters? I will literally be catapulted out into the real world where I shall have to fend for myself.
Archaeology is a cool subject but will I be able to make it in the real world as a career? There is so much I want to do in the world so perhaps the kick up the backside of leaving University may get me to wake up and start doing them.
Best I don't speak about the Ladies right now, things are interesting, if nothing else. But as I find myself often revealing my hopes and dreams on this blog only to have them smashed to pieces soon after I won't put them up just yet.
Anyway, will blog again when I have time.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Just put another semi-rant up on my rant page. But as you'll either read it or you won't it seems pointless to say I've posted up on it again.
This for Ram are pretty good considering the vast amount of work I have to do. I pretend to myself that I'm on top of it all.
Bob Marley 36-Lung cancer
As for girls. I don't think I should talk about it because I don't want to jinx it or get my or your hopes up. But if I could just get a 'high-5' off you next time I see you that would be very cool :)
Graham Chapman 48-Throat cancer
I still need to decide what I want to do for my birthday. Rob has his heart set on 'Amsterslam 2005' but I'm just not feeling it. A weekend watching other people get stoned, high and mental on drugs and alcohol isn't really my cup of tea. But what then? I want, nay I must see all my mates that week. But what to do...
Errol Flynn 50-heart attack
If I am successful in my Masters application then I plan to make this the best summer ever with many LARP events. The Maelstrom the weekend after my exams, the Heartland games the weekend after my birthday, Summerfest in August, hopefully some Shards in-between maybe.
Steve McQueen 50-Lung cancer
But for now I've got to go and do some work, to keep on top of things. Will update again soon :)
Peat Carrington ??-Lung cancer through passive smoking?
This for Ram are pretty good considering the vast amount of work I have to do. I pretend to myself that I'm on top of it all.
Bob Marley 36-Lung cancer
As for girls. I don't think I should talk about it because I don't want to jinx it or get my or your hopes up. But if I could just get a 'high-5' off you next time I see you that would be very cool :)
Graham Chapman 48-Throat cancer
I still need to decide what I want to do for my birthday. Rob has his heart set on 'Amsterslam 2005' but I'm just not feeling it. A weekend watching other people get stoned, high and mental on drugs and alcohol isn't really my cup of tea. But what then? I want, nay I must see all my mates that week. But what to do...
Errol Flynn 50-heart attack
If I am successful in my Masters application then I plan to make this the best summer ever with many LARP events. The Maelstrom the weekend after my exams, the Heartland games the weekend after my birthday, Summerfest in August, hopefully some Shards in-between maybe.
Steve McQueen 50-Lung cancer
But for now I've got to go and do some work, to keep on top of things. Will update again soon :)
Peat Carrington ??-Lung cancer through passive smoking?
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