TIS THE SEASON...
It is now close to the season of giving. Someone asked me the other day if I celebrated Christmas. My answer was that a celebration of giving is pretty much a good thing. Although I do not celebrate it as a religious event, it is a time for family, friends, loved ones, happiness, all these things that bind us together.
These things make me happy.
But I can't talk for long as I have to get back to London to meet my Dad (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and brother.
Don't forget I'm having a party on the 15th at my flat. Join me in celebrating a year of triumph and hardship (however you feel about this year it was certainly eventful!).
I hope to see you all soon.
EMAHO!
Ramalam
Sunday, December 03, 2006
PERHAPS AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT...
I have begun my quest across a literal internet ether. The world known as Secondlife.
This is to be a journey of discovery, adventure, fellowship and destiny.
For those who do and don't live a Secondlife I have created a new blog to chronicle my journey. I shall keep it updated with my position, views of the landscape, the people, the places and my adventures. I hope to meet you along the way, or that you enjoy reading my adventures in the many realms.
You can find this in the links in the sidebar.
Ramalam Ra
I have begun my quest across a literal internet ether. The world known as Secondlife.
This is to be a journey of discovery, adventure, fellowship and destiny.
For those who do and don't live a Secondlife I have created a new blog to chronicle my journey. I shall keep it updated with my position, views of the landscape, the people, the places and my adventures. I hope to meet you along the way, or that you enjoy reading my adventures in the many realms.
You can find this in the links in the sidebar.
Ramalam Ra
Monday, October 30, 2006
ALL THAT MATTERS...
(Thanks to The Ringleader for photo)
Something I never realised before about relationships and my own mind is how much I invent. My head can turn a look, a gesture, a few words into a psychodrama in which outcomes are like soap opera rows, a terrible, gut-wrenching and heart destroying break-up followed quickly by a decline.
But here is what Jo has taught me about this I MAKE IT ALL UP IN MY HEAD. I can tell you it is something of a relief when Jo tells me I'm being silly. Bailey had me dead to rights when he said that I was neurotic to the core. I just never realised how much before. She is so wonderful to be able to cut through all of that.
The point is, that Jo means the world to me and ultimately, whatever other insanity I conjure up in my head that this the truth in my heart.
Therefore, in a relationship, all the other bunf falls away when you realise the feeling at the core.
That is all that matters.
With love,
Ram.
(Thanks to The Ringleader for photo)
Something I never realised before about relationships and my own mind is how much I invent. My head can turn a look, a gesture, a few words into a psychodrama in which outcomes are like soap opera rows, a terrible, gut-wrenching and heart destroying break-up followed quickly by a decline.
But here is what Jo has taught me about this I MAKE IT ALL UP IN MY HEAD. I can tell you it is something of a relief when Jo tells me I'm being silly. Bailey had me dead to rights when he said that I was neurotic to the core. I just never realised how much before. She is so wonderful to be able to cut through all of that.
The point is, that Jo means the world to me and ultimately, whatever other insanity I conjure up in my head that this the truth in my heart.
Therefore, in a relationship, all the other bunf falls away when you realise the feeling at the core.
That is all that matters.
With love,
Ram.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
THE PASTY PRESENTS...
A love story, by Ram
Brighton is as her name suggests; the bright place. Vibrant and colourful are her dresses, fashioned in hues and shades that one would not match together if asked but when seen upon her they form a powerful cocktail of colour. Brighton is bright due to the dazzling sun. Beside the sea the sun is often found looking down upon the beach dwellers or peaking over the rooftops of the Lanes. One can even sit in the Pavilion Gardens and feel that the sun sits beside you, a warming yet silent companion. Brighton and the sun sit this way often and watch the world go by.
The chief decoration, the one that overshadows the others is her smile. Everyone wishes to imitate it so many people can be seen in the streets beside the sea with a grin, a smirk, a thankful nod or a smile that has a meaning others can only guess at. But Brighton knows the meaning, for those smiles are her domain.
London prizes Brighton’s smile. When she smiles, London is filled with a joy that could pierce the murky depths of the Thames itself. Smiles beside the river are not as plentiful as beside the sea and so their potency is greater. Beside the river, smiles are not unknown, but neither does everyone wear them.
Brighton’s mind is clear most of the time. She looks out to the sea, tracing the horizon with a finger she pushes her mind to the future. But try to find the horizon where London lives. For London the horizon is something else, the horizon he seeks is the kind one can only find within. This horizon is a deeper understanding, a meaning of the same ilk one would find in an ancient tome of forgotten lore or hidden in the riddle of an ancient stone. It has meaning, but this meaning sometimes envelopes London in a deep smog of thought, inquiry and worry.
London would say that it is only Brighton's smiles that can blast this smog away.
A moral fibre runs through the skin, the bone, the tower and the street of London. It is something that London has developed since his beginning.
See the Brighton Pavilion, see the Tower of London. Each contain their own nobility but who can doubt they are unique from one another?
They call Brighton, ‘London by the sea’ for when London goes to Brighton he becomes like the sea, freer and clearer and thus a lot more like Brighton. When Brighton comes to London, London becomes brighter for a while. Flowers bloom, the hidden secrets of London, the bright, vibrant, secret palaces of celebration are revealed.
And so it is. For Brighton and London are lovers, each fascinated by the other. They each seek the truth that lies in the heart; the beating rock and the durable stone within each of them. A love that is dulled by neither the crashing of the waves or the lashing of the rain.
(Brighton) Rock and (London) Stone
A Love Story of Two Cities
TO BE CONTINUED...
A love story, by Ram
Brighton is as her name suggests; the bright place. Vibrant and colourful are her dresses, fashioned in hues and shades that one would not match together if asked but when seen upon her they form a powerful cocktail of colour. Brighton is bright due to the dazzling sun. Beside the sea the sun is often found looking down upon the beach dwellers or peaking over the rooftops of the Lanes. One can even sit in the Pavilion Gardens and feel that the sun sits beside you, a warming yet silent companion. Brighton and the sun sit this way often and watch the world go by.
The chief decoration, the one that overshadows the others is her smile. Everyone wishes to imitate it so many people can be seen in the streets beside the sea with a grin, a smirk, a thankful nod or a smile that has a meaning others can only guess at. But Brighton knows the meaning, for those smiles are her domain.
London prizes Brighton’s smile. When she smiles, London is filled with a joy that could pierce the murky depths of the Thames itself. Smiles beside the river are not as plentiful as beside the sea and so their potency is greater. Beside the river, smiles are not unknown, but neither does everyone wear them.
Brighton’s mind is clear most of the time. She looks out to the sea, tracing the horizon with a finger she pushes her mind to the future. But try to find the horizon where London lives. For London the horizon is something else, the horizon he seeks is the kind one can only find within. This horizon is a deeper understanding, a meaning of the same ilk one would find in an ancient tome of forgotten lore or hidden in the riddle of an ancient stone. It has meaning, but this meaning sometimes envelopes London in a deep smog of thought, inquiry and worry.
London would say that it is only Brighton's smiles that can blast this smog away.
A moral fibre runs through the skin, the bone, the tower and the street of London. It is something that London has developed since his beginning.
See the Brighton Pavilion, see the Tower of London. Each contain their own nobility but who can doubt they are unique from one another?
They call Brighton, ‘London by the sea’ for when London goes to Brighton he becomes like the sea, freer and clearer and thus a lot more like Brighton. When Brighton comes to London, London becomes brighter for a while. Flowers bloom, the hidden secrets of London, the bright, vibrant, secret palaces of celebration are revealed.
And so it is. For Brighton and London are lovers, each fascinated by the other. They each seek the truth that lies in the heart; the beating rock and the durable stone within each of them. A love that is dulled by neither the crashing of the waves or the lashing of the rain.
(Brighton) Rock and (London) Stone
A Love Story of Two Cities
TO BE CONTINUED...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
 | You scored as Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler is a very symbolic X-Man. He is persecuted by society because of his devilish looks, but it is his faith in God that gives him strength. He is a very gentle x-man but he does know how to fight and he enjoys fencing. Powers: Teleportation
Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
Picture this, on thursday I reach the Institute of archaeology and meet Roo and Paul. I print off my dissertation, get it bound and hand it in. We then proceed to get very drunk and then Paul and I go to a club and Paul gets us in for free!
That's how easy it was in the final days.
It didn't sink in until sunday that I was really finished. Friday night I had also gone out with all the other people who had finished and then saturday was my party. It was mellow but very cool and good to see people. I then came down to Brighton to have a few days of doing nothing. It feels great.
But now I am free and relaxed I must start to concentrate. I am no longer a student, I no longer spend my days reading and writing.
In other words, I must get a job and fill out my PhD application. I'm planning to go back, with funding for my PhD. Which will be sweet. Until then I want a job within the field, perhaps a museum job.
Now, you hard-core workophiles may laugh but there is something appealing about having a 9-5 where the time outside that is not concerned with the work. Weekends will be free to do what I want, they won't just be another day where I have to read and write. I will have free time, but in another way, have less time. This means picking up a whole new set of responsibilities (paying the council tax for one) but a different kind of freedom.
This comes in having weekends free, a lot of October is filled up with things on the weekends already!
I just hope work won't get in the way of seeing Jo. I wouldn't have thought it would, but she's now going into her final year therefore she's going to be really busy. But hey, we'll cope, she means so much to me, how could I not?
But anyway, I've gotta go write my dissertation...No wait...I don't!
Ram.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Are You Damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
I renewed my vows last night. Jo cut off a lock of my hair so I would remember the event.
Dissertation is coming along okay, but slowly, I seem to have gotten stuck in some academic mud and it takes a while to get up to speed again. I'm sure that after the Gathering I shall be back on track with NO distractions!
Speaking of the Gathering, I'm feeling pretty frothy but not as much as I thought I would at this point. I know it will be good, but I am also quite confident my character will die. I hope in some noble way, but I have a feeling it will be in a bush, knifed up by some evil drow kill squad for no reason or randomly put down while I wasn't paying attention and dragged through a void gate by something. Magnus did point out that this year WAS the Cataclysm and we must be prepared for our characters to die horribly. What I'm looking forward to (as always) hanging out with my mates in character and learning information and sharing it with as many people as I can.
Anyway, it will all be fun and games and at the very least I can get drunk and have a laugh with some mates in a field.
Then I suspect I won't see anyone until after the 15th of September when I hope to have a party or celebration of some kind. It will by Bailey's birthday that day also so we should all gather for that too.
Ram.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
#Once you're lost in Twilights blue
You don't find the way, the way finds you...#
The above is my animal totem. Nice to know if I ever went on a trippy spiritual journey my guide would be a fox.
Tonsilitis was cleared up by the help of antibiotics. I had the bacterial strain so was down for about a week. It was pretty bad not being able to swallow without flinching and my mouth smelling like a gutter. But Jo nursed me back to health.
I feel however, that I have fallen out of my life a bit. All this dissertation writing and working behind the bar mean I'm living in what I used to this were the peripheries of my social circle. In many ways I find this sad, but in another way, liberating. It is almost as if I have died and have been reborn.
This conveys how I am feeling about myself as well, I am letting go far more. Things fall from me like petals from a flower rather than me carrying a rock.
What I need to do is reconnect with the people that really mean something to me. This I shall be doing slowly, to give each and everyone the correct amount of attention. But remember that I love you all.
It will be Jo's and my 6th month anniversary this month :) Doesn't seem like six months but I certainly feel quite deeply connected to her. If you'll indulge me, when I'm not with her the world doesn't seem as bright. It's not 'grey' either it just doesn't seem to have the same 'colour' to it. I'm not sure what this means, but I know it means I like her. A lot.
See you all soon, or in dreams.
Ramalam.
You don't find the way, the way finds you...#
 | You scored as Fox. You are the Fox. You are quite intelligent and use it to your advantage. You are a diplomatic person and use that to help your friends in times of crisis, not choosing sides. You are also very patient, waiting for what you want.
Which animal totem best suits you? created with QuizFarm.com |
The above is my animal totem. Nice to know if I ever went on a trippy spiritual journey my guide would be a fox.
Tonsilitis was cleared up by the help of antibiotics. I had the bacterial strain so was down for about a week. It was pretty bad not being able to swallow without flinching and my mouth smelling like a gutter. But Jo nursed me back to health.
I feel however, that I have fallen out of my life a bit. All this dissertation writing and working behind the bar mean I'm living in what I used to this were the peripheries of my social circle. In many ways I find this sad, but in another way, liberating. It is almost as if I have died and have been reborn.
This conveys how I am feeling about myself as well, I am letting go far more. Things fall from me like petals from a flower rather than me carrying a rock.
What I need to do is reconnect with the people that really mean something to me. This I shall be doing slowly, to give each and everyone the correct amount of attention. But remember that I love you all.
It will be Jo's and my 6th month anniversary this month :) Doesn't seem like six months but I certainly feel quite deeply connected to her. If you'll indulge me, when I'm not with her the world doesn't seem as bright. It's not 'grey' either it just doesn't seem to have the same 'colour' to it. I'm not sure what this means, but I know it means I like her. A lot.
See you all soon, or in dreams.
Ramalam.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
WARNING:
THIS GIRL IS WONDERFUL.
Nope, I'm not going into the details. Just accept it.
(Nabbed the picture off her LJ :) )
I unfortunately have tonsilitis at the moment which hurts. Swallowing is something I have to brace myself for now. You all take it for granted! ;) I hope I get better soon.
Have been working on my dissertation some more and handed in a draft chapter today. It's not brilliant but it is a start.
Have been thinking that it has been far too long since I played some tabletop roleplay. I need to get some Call of Cthulhu going.
Perhaps it is time for me to unveil my RPG Masterplan.
There is an RPG named Nobilis. It is beautiful, masterful and expansive. But these are also problems for a geek like me. I would want to craft a campaign so perfect, so epic and poetic that it would be my masterpiece. Unfortunately it takes a whole session just to generate one character and as for writing such a campaign that doesn't resort to cliches and is clever, well, you could write a book for less effort (and many authors do, kerpow!).
My Masterplan would go thusly. All my trusted tabletop mates would generate a character for this game. Now, the chances of them all being in one place is nigh impossible therefore when I see each of them I run a short (or long) session with each.
The result would either be a masterpiece of roleplay with such an epic, sweeping story as to be worthy of Homer, Vigil, etc or a stressful disaster.
Still, it's a plan.
I miss Jo
Ram.
THIS GIRL IS WONDERFUL.
Nope, I'm not going into the details. Just accept it.
(Nabbed the picture off her LJ :) )
I unfortunately have tonsilitis at the moment which hurts. Swallowing is something I have to brace myself for now. You all take it for granted! ;) I hope I get better soon.
Have been working on my dissertation some more and handed in a draft chapter today. It's not brilliant but it is a start.
Have been thinking that it has been far too long since I played some tabletop roleplay. I need to get some Call of Cthulhu going.
Perhaps it is time for me to unveil my RPG Masterplan.
There is an RPG named Nobilis. It is beautiful, masterful and expansive. But these are also problems for a geek like me. I would want to craft a campaign so perfect, so epic and poetic that it would be my masterpiece. Unfortunately it takes a whole session just to generate one character and as for writing such a campaign that doesn't resort to cliches and is clever, well, you could write a book for less effort (and many authors do, kerpow!).
My Masterplan would go thusly. All my trusted tabletop mates would generate a character for this game. Now, the chances of them all being in one place is nigh impossible therefore when I see each of them I run a short (or long) session with each.
The result would either be a masterpiece of roleplay with such an epic, sweeping story as to be worthy of Homer, Vigil, etc or a stressful disaster.
Still, it's a plan.
I miss Jo
Ram.
Friday, June 30, 2006
I died in the Dungeon of Ramalam
I was killed in a cobwebbed crypt by Mystiqueela the owlbear, whilst carrying...
the Crown of Profaniti, the Sword of Glenatron, the Axe of Shanks01, the Shield of Spoondog and 18 gold pieces.
Score: 46
Explore the Dungeon of Ramalam and try to beat this score,or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...
Jo is wonderful and as she would say 'fab'. I miss her loads when we aren't together. Jo has so many qualities that I find attractive I couldn't list them all here.
This is affecting me in strange ways and ways I didn't expect.
1) I caught myself thinking about a song being played in the Union at work. "These lyrics really mean something to me. I finally understand what this song is about". Then my mind clicked and whirred that I was talking about a ballad.
2) Female leads in films/tv/adverts become associated with Jo. I understand how the male lead feels about her (kinda). This is interesting as last night I watched 'Superman II'. While I like to THINK I'm not as goofy as Clark Kent and more of a 'Batman' type figure. Quite funny really lol.
3) I know I'm smitten when I have a dream about a girl (Not anything 'freaky nauty' filthmongers!) but when they feature in my subconscious. Jo has done this at least thrice now.
Just thought I would jot down some feelings here :)
You will all know what I mean when you feel this way. Then you will most likely reach the same conclusion.
"I've got to do something which shows her how much she means to me."
Get ready Jo, because once Ram starts brewing a plan, well, you'll see ;)
Ramalam: Smitten.
Friday, June 09, 2006
#When things go wrong, so wrong with you, it hurts me too#
It has been an age since I last updated any of my online diaries. This is because I am very busy a lot of the time and rarely get longer than an hour to check stuff on the internet. This may seem like a lot but when you have so many friends in so many internetual places it takes a while!
Things for me at the moment are good, working steadily researching for my dissertation whilst also tending bar at ULU. Barwork is pretty cool really, especially when you meet cool people who you have a laugh with while you're pouring their drinks.
My birthday was very cool, but slightly more chilled than my last one. Everything was mellowed when I turned 22 on the 22 of May. The BEST part was a suprise visit from Jo which made me beam so much I felt happy all day. It was slightly scary introducing Jo to my Mum but it all turned out well.
My weekends are taken up at the moment with various LARP events and seeing people. So if you don't get to see me in the near future that is because I work pretty much the whole week (in bar and on uni work) and then have to use my weekends to the full.
On a personal level Russ (of the Rose with thorns fame) accused me of being more coarse and evil than I used to be (swearing and joshing with people more) so I'm making an effort to swear less and generally be more nice to people.
Also, despite the fact I am lazy, early morning is by far the best time to meditate. If only I could get UP in the mornings...
Ram.
 | You scored as You have the Gift of Empathy. You have been blessed with the gift of Empathy. Even though it is a heavy burden to carry the pain of others, know this that you can help them. Though I must advise you to learn how to not take their pain upon yourself and drag you down
What is your gift?(PICS) created with QuizFarm.com |
It has been an age since I last updated any of my online diaries. This is because I am very busy a lot of the time and rarely get longer than an hour to check stuff on the internet. This may seem like a lot but when you have so many friends in so many internetual places it takes a while!
Things for me at the moment are good, working steadily researching for my dissertation whilst also tending bar at ULU. Barwork is pretty cool really, especially when you meet cool people who you have a laugh with while you're pouring their drinks.
My birthday was very cool, but slightly more chilled than my last one. Everything was mellowed when I turned 22 on the 22 of May. The BEST part was a suprise visit from Jo which made me beam so much I felt happy all day. It was slightly scary introducing Jo to my Mum but it all turned out well.
My weekends are taken up at the moment with various LARP events and seeing people. So if you don't get to see me in the near future that is because I work pretty much the whole week (in bar and on uni work) and then have to use my weekends to the full.
On a personal level Russ (of the Rose with thorns fame) accused me of being more coarse and evil than I used to be (swearing and joshing with people more) so I'm making an effort to swear less and generally be more nice to people.
Also, despite the fact I am lazy, early morning is by far the best time to meditate. If only I could get UP in the mornings...
Ram.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
#We're made in China, as toys for our children#
Got too much work to do at the moment to be blogging but that's nothing new. Will probably have to ask for a few days extension for an essay, just a few more days to get it in the bag. I just heard my lecturer was in hospital and may be out of action until June so he can't mark it anyway. He's a really nice guy so without cynicism I say:
Get well soon Professor Tait!
Other news:
It was Emily's birthday on tuesday, Happy birthday and I hope to see you soon :)
My Birthday is rapidly approaching (22nd as you asked) but I don't know what I want or what I want to do. I'll be 22, and my mate Jamie will be 21 on thr 21st! My mate Rob will be 23 on the 21st as well so all is good. Dad and Tom will be away though so aside from seeing Mum I'm planning to spend as much time with mates around that time.
Things are really good between me and Jo also. My insane paranoia is dying down and I'm finding I miss her quite a bit too. She's just lovely. If I wasn't such a doofus...
Anyway, got to get back to work or I'm never going to finish these essays!
Stay cool,
Ramalam
 | You scored as Fox McCloud. Blowing stuff up is a favorite pastime of yours. You'll also do almost anything for money. You also find yoursel fighting Star Wolf at the most inopportune times. He always shows up just as you're about to score with Krystal...or slit Slippy's throat.
Which Nintendo Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
Got too much work to do at the moment to be blogging but that's nothing new. Will probably have to ask for a few days extension for an essay, just a few more days to get it in the bag. I just heard my lecturer was in hospital and may be out of action until June so he can't mark it anyway. He's a really nice guy so without cynicism I say:
Get well soon Professor Tait!
Other news:
It was Emily's birthday on tuesday, Happy birthday and I hope to see you soon :)
My Birthday is rapidly approaching (22nd as you asked) but I don't know what I want or what I want to do. I'll be 22, and my mate Jamie will be 21 on thr 21st! My mate Rob will be 23 on the 21st as well so all is good. Dad and Tom will be away though so aside from seeing Mum I'm planning to spend as much time with mates around that time.
Things are really good between me and Jo also. My insane paranoia is dying down and I'm finding I miss her quite a bit too. She's just lovely. If I wasn't such a doofus...
Anyway, got to get back to work or I'm never going to finish these essays!
Stay cool,
Ramalam
Saturday, April 22, 2006
#Oh bear me away on your snow white wings...#
Man, that makes me sound so depressing.
Things are good for me at the moment. Still need to do a lot more work but that will come after this weekend where I will play RPGs and LARP until I am very tired. There are worse ways to spend my weekend :)
Everyting is going good with Jo at the moment, two month anniversary (we don't take things that serious) yesterday which was nice to know. I'm keeping a lid on the neurosis in terms of the future, I'm just concentrating on the now. Whether or not this is a good thing I have yet to decide but Jo is a GOOD thing in my life and maybe that's enough.
Saw 'The Mighty Boosh' live at Brixton acadamy last night and laughed my arse off. It was really cool. Going to a 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000' all-nighter next weekend as part of the Sc-fi-London film festival! Runs from wednesday to thursday at the Apollo cinema on lower regent street for those London types who might want to go :) Always a good laugh. check out www.sci-fi-london.co.uk for more info.
Better go and prepare some more stuff for RPG and LARP so I bid you farewell. If I haven't seen you in a while I hope to see you soon!
Ramalam.
 | You scored as Fallen Angel. You my friend are a FallenAngel. You were amongst the closest to God, yet love led you down a path of self-destruction. You find yourself crying a lot, because of the pains of this world. Yes it is very crewl, yet you know there isn't a thing you can do about it. Follow your heart and you will find some of your former happiness.
What creature of the night are you you most like? (Pics!!) created with QuizFarm.com |
Man, that makes me sound so depressing.
Things are good for me at the moment. Still need to do a lot more work but that will come after this weekend where I will play RPGs and LARP until I am very tired. There are worse ways to spend my weekend :)
Everyting is going good with Jo at the moment, two month anniversary (we don't take things that serious) yesterday which was nice to know. I'm keeping a lid on the neurosis in terms of the future, I'm just concentrating on the now. Whether or not this is a good thing I have yet to decide but Jo is a GOOD thing in my life and maybe that's enough.
Saw 'The Mighty Boosh' live at Brixton acadamy last night and laughed my arse off. It was really cool. Going to a 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000' all-nighter next weekend as part of the Sc-fi-London film festival! Runs from wednesday to thursday at the Apollo cinema on lower regent street for those London types who might want to go :) Always a good laugh. check out www.sci-fi-london.co.uk for more info.
Better go and prepare some more stuff for RPG and LARP so I bid you farewell. If I haven't seen you in a while I hope to see you soon!
Ramalam.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
| The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy |
 In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho |
I wrote this late at night, when everyone else had gone to sleep. I just had to get it down for some reason. If here is where you see Ramalam for real, then here is where I shall put it. I am constantly worrying about what other people think of me, so I wrote down how I would like to be remember when I die.
"A loyal, loving, devoted friend
An honourable son who made his parents proud
A supporting brother
A humble, spiritual soul
A seeker of good in all
A voyager into himself
A prolific, creative mind
A bringer of joy, kindless, love and calm"
But in a way none of that matters and everyone should ignore it. It doesn't sum up anything or clarify a great deal. I don't think anyone can sum up a persons life, not even that person. This isn't meant to sound maudlin, just something I wrote that needs to go here. I'm not even that down at the moment, just in a state of constant worry and I need to gain some calm and perspective.
I feel often that I get so caught up in trying to please everyone and what people think of me that I don't want to BE anything or anyone, I want to just BE.
Ram.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Everyone should use this as their search engine.
www.clickscount.co.uk
As it donates money to the NSPCC every time you use it! And it helps you find stuff! Very cool, I wonder if there are more of these.
Today, I have pretty much failed to do as much work as I intended. Being on 'Easter Holidays' is great but I really need to do more work.
So I can't sit here and type any longer :(
Will update properly soon.
Ramalam.
www.clickscount.co.uk
As it donates money to the NSPCC every time you use it! And it helps you find stuff! Very cool, I wonder if there are more of these.
Today, I have pretty much failed to do as much work as I intended. Being on 'Easter Holidays' is great but I really need to do more work.
So I can't sit here and type any longer :(
Will update properly soon.
Ramalam.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
 | You scored as Bragi.
Which Norse God or Goddess are you most like? created with QuizFarm.com |
It's a shame I wasn't Odin, but if we are to answer this quizzes truthfull we are more likely to get a truthful answer I suppose :)
I haven't posted for a long time because I've been really busy of late, first with uni work and now with socialising when I should be starting on my next load of uni work!
I'm not sure if I shouold post it here, but I have a new Lady in my life, who is great, lovely and for some reason I can't fathom she likes me! Yesterday was our one month anniversary! (How long before I forget when these things are). At the moment I'm trying very hard not to overthink and ruin this and most of the time it works, but the usual neurosies and paranoia appears sometimes but that's okay, I'm getting better!
Todays random incident: After getting given a flyer by Sonic the Hedgehog, who has now sold out to mobile phone game company I saw a live set by 'Pure Reason Revolution' who are kind of Arcade Fire/Seachange type of band. I was encouraged by their flyer which quoted the Guardian as saying:
"Evidence is mounting that we are on the brink of a New Prog Age..."
A new prog age would be pretty cool, although these bands haven't quite got the 20 minute solos down or albums that sound like 1 long track. Perhaps because the modern pop era prefers retro 'New York'/punky sounds where there is little skill in mashing the instruments in time. Not that I don't like that but there are some bands out there which sound the same and aren't really that exciting as say 'Pink Floyd' or 'Yes' or rock half as hard as 'Led Zeppelin'. I'm not going to name names.
The New Prog Age...Be ready!
Ram.
Friday, March 03, 2006
'Sometimes'
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail.
Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war,
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.
Sometimes our best intentions do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen; may it happen for you.
-- Sheenagh Pugh
Arthur Smith the stand up comic read this at the Hackney Empire 2006 New comers final and it hit home. We always talk of failing, of nobly and tragically falling short. But sometimes, just sometimes we win.
Ram.
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail.
Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war,
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.
Sometimes our best intentions do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen; may it happen for you.
-- Sheenagh Pugh
Arthur Smith the stand up comic read this at the Hackney Empire 2006 New comers final and it hit home. We always talk of failing, of nobly and tragically falling short. But sometimes, just sometimes we win.
Ram.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
FEELING BETTER
I feel a lot better than last post. I feel calmer and more humble and true to myself. Things are going to change here at the Pasty. I'm hoping lest ranting angst and more joy and calm.
May you all find joy and loving-kindness
Ram.
 | You scored as Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones is an archaeologist/adventurer with an unquenchable love for danger and excitement. He travels the globe in search of historical relics. He loves travel, excitement, and a good archaeological discovery. He hates Nazis and snakes, perhaps to the same degree. He always brings along his trusty whip and fedora. He's tough, cool, and dedicated. He relies on both brains and brawn to get him out of trouble and into it.
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
I feel a lot better than last post. I feel calmer and more humble and true to myself. Things are going to change here at the Pasty. I'm hoping lest ranting angst and more joy and calm.
May you all find joy and loving-kindness
Ram.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Angstalam
WARNING: HUGE LEVELS OF ANGST INCOMING
Why are there no rock songs about the agony of descions? Or indeciciveness? I get a lot of angst and rage from such things.
I suppose there is no where in the internet ether for me to escape from what has happened and the pasty is where I am supposed to bear my soul.
But I can never find the right words anymore.
I never seem to do the right things anymore.
Friendships seem harder than ever.
There seems to be a side of me that I didn't know I had and I don't like it.
I'm treating people worse than I've ever treated them before and I don't even know why.
I feel like I'm living out what everyone else thinks I should be. I've buried myself in other people's advice so much I barely know what I think anymore.
I don't know what I want.
I'm coming apart. The worst part is I've become so lost and confused that I'm afriad I have alienated all those I would normally turn to. My friends, I don't know what's happened to me recently.
Ram.
This could all be the stress of essays however.
WARNING: HUGE LEVELS OF ANGST INCOMING
Why are there no rock songs about the agony of descions? Or indeciciveness? I get a lot of angst and rage from such things.
I suppose there is no where in the internet ether for me to escape from what has happened and the pasty is where I am supposed to bear my soul.
But I can never find the right words anymore.
I never seem to do the right things anymore.
Friendships seem harder than ever.
There seems to be a side of me that I didn't know I had and I don't like it.
I'm treating people worse than I've ever treated them before and I don't even know why.
I feel like I'm living out what everyone else thinks I should be. I've buried myself in other people's advice so much I barely know what I think anymore.
I don't know what I want.
I'm coming apart. The worst part is I've become so lost and confused that I'm afriad I have alienated all those I would normally turn to. My friends, I don't know what's happened to me recently.
Ram.
This could all be the stress of essays however.
Friday, February 10, 2006
 | You scored as Rocker, Mosher. Your A Rocker!
What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy E.c.t created with QuizFarm.com |
CHOICES...
Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. In these situations there are always three options:
1. Do option A
2. Do option B
3. Choose not to decide at this time.
I've spent some time with the third option but the hour is coming for me to make a choice.
I think I know what I'm going to do. I suspect such a bold and daring move will blow up in my face. It's time to go for broke.
But faint of heart never one fair lady. He who dares wins.
No matter what happens after this I must know that I went into it with my eyes open, crushing any doubt about the future. I will have to KNOW that I made this choice and the consequences that come with it are a result of that.
I am scared and I'll be even more scared on the day. No one said it was going to be easy but I will have chosen. I've got to go for broke. It's the only play I have left and I might kick myself for the rest of my life if I don't go for it. It's about looking yourself in the eye in the mirror.
I always backed down before, it never seemed like the right time. But as a friend said to me once, 'you have to make it the right time'. Damnit, I'm getting worked up and I mustn't.
It's just a choice I have to make and I'm making it.
As the Sandman once said:
"Sometimes we can choose the path we take,
Sometimes our path is chosen for us,
And sometimes we have no choice at all."
Ram.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
You are the Angel of Faith
What Angel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
THEN ONE DAY, FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON...
I've just opened a new blogging account thing, to date I have;
1)This one (that you're reading now and that bares my soul most of the time)
2)Ramrage (which I find I'm posting less on these days)
3)Shazam! My Livejournal, a more friendly blog about my daily life
4)My Hi5 account which I don't really blog on but I use it to keep in contact with people I already have contact details for. It's fun to write testamonials for people and get ones back though. At the very least it put the addresses of the other three blogs up and more people read them as a result!
5) A Myspace account which I've just opened up. The reason for doing this remains still slightly unclear to me. The most likely is that my friends are in bands which have myspace sites and I wanted to be part of the gang, also those who read this blog my stray over to
www.myspace.com/maatspace
and hear the awesome music some of my mates play. (Cool name for a site huh? Proud to say I thought of that myself :) You don't get it? It's an egyptology thing...)
If the myspace account is anything like the Hi5 account more people will know the real Ramalam, which can only be a good thing :)
Apologies to anyone who might have been offended, upset, peturbed by the last entry, I was in a strange mood. I'm over all that now and although these challenges can be unpleasant it has strengthened my resolve to understand the path I walk and Bailey and I are still best buddies :)
Plus, I'm never disappointed by moments when my faith is restored in the human race. I talked frankly to Coleen (my work collegue to apologise for my wierd behaviour) but she was totally cool about it. Last weekend I saw Sian (an old 6th form friend whom I thought didn't like me) but she gave me a big smile and we had a cool chat. It was good to see her.
Failed to do enough work today, but it wasn't totally my fault as my Boss asked me to stay on as people didn't turn up for their shifts, as a result I haven't read anything today for my essays. Not good. But I'll survive, I always do.
Ram.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Just lost a rant to the internet ether. Might put a rant about losing rants on Ramrage.
Bailey (Filth Dragon) posed me a question in the middle of a religious debate on friday (we were both quite drunk). But I'm still not sure I put up an adequate explanation or defence of Buddhism.
Bailey, has the perfectly reasonable objection that a lot of Buddhists seem to get walked over. That the Dalai Lama, despite years of trying to end the Chinese occupation peacefully and compromising many times has not succeeded. If he wanted, he could perhaps get Buddhists to take up arms and fight the Chinese back.
But...
Buddha taught us to question our beliefs, to examine our faith with an inquiring mind. These doubts are not 'holes' in the Dharmma, they are merely things you haven't thought about. Blind faith is not the answer, it is easy to poke holes in a blind faith, but if one arrives at a conclusion through thought and introspection, this KNOWLEDGE is immovable as a mountain.
Everyone is different, they all understand dharmma differently. I can't comment about the Chinese occupation, but the Dalai Lama could not 'force' any Bodhisatva to do anything. We have all come to this way through our own choice, we have all walked our own path to get here. Do Buddhists get walked over? Sometimes, yes.
But is it better to bend like a willow in the breeze than snap like an oak?
Bailey posed another question,
"What if Buddha was wrong?"
My immediate answer would be that if he was 'wrong' then he would have been exposed as a fraud long ago. But the question has troubled me all weekend. I give thanks to my friend that he made me question and renew my faith once more.
As I said above, Buddha taught us to question belief, even his teachings,
"Don't just believe" he said, "Come and see."
Whether he was 'wrong' or 'right' depends on your own concept of 'wrong' and 'right'. The value is what value you place upon it. There is action and consquence. Whether you believe your actions are right or wrong, there will be a result of them. This result may or may not be what you wanted. It bears little realtion to the 'right-ness' or 'wrong-ness' but more to the action and the reaction themselves.
If Buddha was 'wrong', could his teachings have been kept alive for so long? Could they have spread across the world? Could they have brought calm, contentment and even nirvana to many? And those who follow his teachings love everyone and every living thing?
If we judge right and wrong by action and reaction, they you may all draw your own conclusions.
Ram.
May you all find happiness and peace.
Bailey (Filth Dragon) posed me a question in the middle of a religious debate on friday (we were both quite drunk). But I'm still not sure I put up an adequate explanation or defence of Buddhism.
Bailey, has the perfectly reasonable objection that a lot of Buddhists seem to get walked over. That the Dalai Lama, despite years of trying to end the Chinese occupation peacefully and compromising many times has not succeeded. If he wanted, he could perhaps get Buddhists to take up arms and fight the Chinese back.
But...
Buddha taught us to question our beliefs, to examine our faith with an inquiring mind. These doubts are not 'holes' in the Dharmma, they are merely things you haven't thought about. Blind faith is not the answer, it is easy to poke holes in a blind faith, but if one arrives at a conclusion through thought and introspection, this KNOWLEDGE is immovable as a mountain.
Everyone is different, they all understand dharmma differently. I can't comment about the Chinese occupation, but the Dalai Lama could not 'force' any Bodhisatva to do anything. We have all come to this way through our own choice, we have all walked our own path to get here. Do Buddhists get walked over? Sometimes, yes.
But is it better to bend like a willow in the breeze than snap like an oak?
Bailey posed another question,
"What if Buddha was wrong?"
My immediate answer would be that if he was 'wrong' then he would have been exposed as a fraud long ago. But the question has troubled me all weekend. I give thanks to my friend that he made me question and renew my faith once more.
As I said above, Buddha taught us to question belief, even his teachings,
"Don't just believe" he said, "Come and see."
Whether he was 'wrong' or 'right' depends on your own concept of 'wrong' and 'right'. The value is what value you place upon it. There is action and consquence. Whether you believe your actions are right or wrong, there will be a result of them. This result may or may not be what you wanted. It bears little realtion to the 'right-ness' or 'wrong-ness' but more to the action and the reaction themselves.
If Buddha was 'wrong', could his teachings have been kept alive for so long? Could they have spread across the world? Could they have brought calm, contentment and even nirvana to many? And those who follow his teachings love everyone and every living thing?
If we judge right and wrong by action and reaction, they you may all draw your own conclusions.
Ram.
May you all find happiness and peace.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Which Presidential Candidate Are You?
Rung from Rum and Monkey's very own liberty bell.
Hmm, that guy was friends with Ralph Nader :)
Ghandi was a Lawyer.
Had an pretty rocking weekend hanging out with Profaniti (Jo to the non LJ community). The gig in friday was cool, bought the Big Strides album and got them to sign it. The bassist kissed Profaniti's hand so they'll be married soon. Hurray! (Seem's to be the season for it-You know who I'm talking about!)
Saturday, showed Profaniti various things in London (Harrods and the Natural History museum) which was also very cool. Then met up with Jebbo and got very, very drunk. I must stop drinking Stella as it definately makes me angry and I ranted for ages about the lack of passion in the current retro-New York sound.
Sunday, lazed around for most of it and went to the Barfly for Uxfest. Which was cool, first band, 'Sada' were good but splitting up. 'Kingsize blues' were cool, combination of metal growling and rocking solos. Finally 'Headon' put on a rocking show, complete with the lead singer wielding a huge larp hammer. Their finally song was called 'Here comes the hammer'. Then, in total WWE wrestling style a guy jumped on stage and asked them to play Bullet for my Valentine or My Chemical romance and the singer head pounded him into the stage. Rock and roll :)
But back to work now. Still, got the FnH banquet to look forward to this weekend :)
Rockalam
Friday, January 20, 2006
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
I was kinda angling for limbo and I think I wouldn't mind going there ever since I read about it in Dante. Essentially Limbo is a lot like earth. But peaceful I suppose. Not that I truely believe in such things but if I HAD to choose.
Also, my new favourite beer is Youngs bitter for their stunning advert campaign of 'This is a Ram's world'
Check out:
http://www.ramsworld.co.uk/#main
Ram's world!
Ram.
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Moderate |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Moderate |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Very Low |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Moderate |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Low |
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
I was kinda angling for limbo and I think I wouldn't mind going there ever since I read about it in Dante. Essentially Limbo is a lot like earth. But peaceful I suppose. Not that I truely believe in such things but if I HAD to choose.
Also, my new favourite beer is Youngs bitter for their stunning advert campaign of 'This is a Ram's world'
Check out:
http://www.ramsworld.co.uk/#main
Ram's world!
Ram.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
what teen titan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Just found out two mates of mine have gotten engaged. I didn't see that one coming.
Or maybe it goes to show how 'out-of-the-loop' I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, maybe a deep inner fear of commitment is showing here. I'm kinda a bit dazed by it I suppose. Wow, engaged. Wow. That's pretty cool. I'm coming to terms with it as I write. wow.
But anyway,
Went to see Black Lazarus, GU Medicine and My Ruin last night with Mike. It was pretty rocking. I'm liking this new trend of going to see bands which I know very little about. It can be quite enlightening when you see a new band and they rock! PLus having friends get you on the guestlist so you get in for free is cool too. Mike is sooooo cool.
Going to see Big Strides tommorrow night with Jo which should be fun and hopefully rocking (although I know nothing about the band again!).
But hey, better to be like the Dude from the Big Lebowski and take everything in your stride, take people as they come and general get in adventures :)
Ram.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
YOU HAVE A CHOICE
Last night at meditation practice there was only four of us, Geoffery, Aaron, myself and a monk from the Buddhapadipa temple in Wimbledon:
http://www.buddhapadipa.org/index.html
I had a few moments to talk to the monk before we began and we chatted about university and how I felt my meditation was going and I asked him about a monks life.
We walked.
We sat.
Then he told us about the teachings of the Buddha. Like everything which you find amazing you have to hear it told in a new way in order for it to have a renewed impact. This is because, in the same way that different people relate differently to things, you are constantly changing so because you are a new person you need to hear it differently.
Anyway, often during sitting meditation my foot goes numb, this kinda hurts and makes me worry that I'm damaging my circulation. This has always caused me to shift while sitting so I'm not in pain. I told the monk this and he said that no matter where or how you sit you will feel pain. Even if you are sitting in the most comfortable place your body will want to shift. We are constantly satisfying this desire, like everything else (to have a better job, a better car, that CD, that book, a significant other, etc). If we are always grasping at it, always shifting then we will never be free of desire.
We have a choice. All pleasure and pain is fleeting. If we are not subject to the desire for pleasure and the lessening of pain we are free from desire.
Freedom from desire.
The monk told us a parable:
To capture monkies in Burma people hollow out coconuts and fill them with food (berries, nuts and things) and reform the coconut but with a slit in it so that a hand can squeeze through if flat but not a fist. The monkey slides his hand in and grabs the food. But the slit is too small to get his fist full of food out. He is stuck. Then the hunter comes along. The monkey is scared but still wants the food so he still grasps it.
If the monkey could learn to let go of the food then he could free his hand and not be caught.
If we can learn to let go of our desires then we can be free.
How many monkeys in the world would let go? How many people in the world can?
Not many, but if there are a few monkeys that do, maybe more monkeys will learn.
The Buddha can show us the way, we have to let go to follow.
Emaho.
Ram.
Last night at meditation practice there was only four of us, Geoffery, Aaron, myself and a monk from the Buddhapadipa temple in Wimbledon:
http://www.buddhapadipa.org/index.html
I had a few moments to talk to the monk before we began and we chatted about university and how I felt my meditation was going and I asked him about a monks life.
We walked.
We sat.
Then he told us about the teachings of the Buddha. Like everything which you find amazing you have to hear it told in a new way in order for it to have a renewed impact. This is because, in the same way that different people relate differently to things, you are constantly changing so because you are a new person you need to hear it differently.
Anyway, often during sitting meditation my foot goes numb, this kinda hurts and makes me worry that I'm damaging my circulation. This has always caused me to shift while sitting so I'm not in pain. I told the monk this and he said that no matter where or how you sit you will feel pain. Even if you are sitting in the most comfortable place your body will want to shift. We are constantly satisfying this desire, like everything else (to have a better job, a better car, that CD, that book, a significant other, etc). If we are always grasping at it, always shifting then we will never be free of desire.
We have a choice. All pleasure and pain is fleeting. If we are not subject to the desire for pleasure and the lessening of pain we are free from desire.
Freedom from desire.
The monk told us a parable:
To capture monkies in Burma people hollow out coconuts and fill them with food (berries, nuts and things) and reform the coconut but with a slit in it so that a hand can squeeze through if flat but not a fist. The monkey slides his hand in and grabs the food. But the slit is too small to get his fist full of food out. He is stuck. Then the hunter comes along. The monkey is scared but still wants the food so he still grasps it.
If the monkey could learn to let go of the food then he could free his hand and not be caught.
If we can learn to let go of our desires then we can be free.
How many monkeys in the world would let go? How many people in the world can?
Not many, but if there are a few monkeys that do, maybe more monkeys will learn.
The Buddha can show us the way, we have to let go to follow.
Emaho.
Ram.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
width="240" height="180"alt="Ravenous Anthropologist-Mangling Adventurer-Lacerating Abomination of Madness"
border="0">
My favourite kinda days are the ones where I do a lot, but where you are never sure where the day will take you and you have encounters you didn't expect.
I'm having one of those days today. Just finished having lunch with my Mum which was totally unexpected. Work was also not so bad. Gotta meet a tutor in a little bit then also going to a gig to see a mate's band tonight.
Saw Ben's band Sequoia last night which was rockin'. Bought their album and got them to sign it which they did with messages like 'thanks Ram' and 'Cheers Ram'. I felt cool.
This weekend will be spent LARPing in the north which will hopefully be fun. I've been told one of the organisers has built a fort! Which I will probably have to defend (which will rock).
Anyway, better go to this meeting.
Stay cool,
Ram.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
When I have more time I'll update properly about the 'Christmas Special'.
To explain, Lex and Stu believe their lives to be a comedy series (not unlike 'Friends' I suppose by that other network) called 'Buddies'. I, clearly being a strong character feature in this and have my own spin-off series called 'Ramalam'.
Over the holidays it appears a new team of writers for their shows were called in and the results are exciting (perhaps our ratings were flagging).
But a synopsis another time :)
This post is mainly a shout out the Bailey who returns to the realm of blogging with
'The filth Dragon commands it!'
(see the link at the side)
Welcome back dude!
Ram.
To explain, Lex and Stu believe their lives to be a comedy series (not unlike 'Friends' I suppose by that other network) called 'Buddies'. I, clearly being a strong character feature in this and have my own spin-off series called 'Ramalam'.
Over the holidays it appears a new team of writers for their shows were called in and the results are exciting (perhaps our ratings were flagging).
But a synopsis another time :)
This post is mainly a shout out the Bailey who returns to the realm of blogging with
'The filth Dragon commands it!'
(see the link at the side)
Welcome back dude!
Ram.
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