I'm drinking tea from a Mug I won at Ed and Hannah's wedding on saturday.

I'm digesting both my veggie burgers and the events of my life.

I'm toying with the bracelet my brother bought me back from the Zen temple in Kyoto.

I'm wearing the t-shirt my parents bought me from Florida.

I'm wearing the ring Lex and Stu got me.

I'm looking at the red scarf the kiddies bought me for my birthday.

I opened the box of chocolates that Ed and Hannah gave me as a gift for being an Usher. I raised the chocolate above my head to admire it. I saw the wealth of their lives ahead of them, of what a journey they will make, houses, jobs, adventures, pets, children, friends gained and lost, of sadness and joy, of poverty and wealth, of sickness and health and growing old together in each other's arms until they reach the undiscovered country.

I am honoured to know Ed and Hannah. They combine many of the virtues I admire and a warmth that radiates. Much like Bailey or the Kiddies whom I miss greatly. I am sorry I haven't been there fore a while. I know I can't undo the fact that I haven't been to see you guys in so long. I am truely sorry and should we meet again I hope I can earn your forgiveness.

Ed has a true spirit, a noble honour coupled with a down to earth attitude. He seems to be courageous and kind without EVER being melodramatic. He's just true to himself and with others. Plus he likes comics.

Hannah has boundless kindness and compassion.

I saw them getting married and beamed with joy for them. I held Jo's hand as they said their vows.

I saw them taking bold steps in their lives and it has been a long time since I have done that. So wheels begin to turn in my mind, huge, rusty wheels that haven;t turned in years. One began to turn earlier this year but stalled. Now the dust falls from them as they grind into motion.

I need to decide where I am going in my life. I need to decide where I want to live, where I want to be and what path I am to tread. I think that now, this is the goal I was talking about those many months ago, that I could see at New Year. It's not enough to 'carry on' as before, I seek a higher calling.

My favourite 'post-secret' says 'My dreams are bigger than this apartment' and that is what I feel. I dream of vast clouds, the houses of the old Gods that fill my lungs with awe. I dream of serious friends on important missions. I dream of not just writing the deeds worth doing, but DOING the deeds worth writing.

I dream of changing the world for the better. I dream of SAVING the world.

(These things I also fear-a quiet comfortable life also calls me).

I dream of meaning to my life and ending it knowing I did my best.

For when I stand with my friends, we are old and grey, less of us now than there were I want to feel that I was there, that I tried my best and left the world a better place.

Are my dreams too much to ask for?

SIX YEARS LATER

Should I feel like I miss him more than I do? I do miss him but it is so hard to feel the same feeling of parting because I;m so far removed from the person I was back then.

When I think about him I just know he would still be a good mate now. But I guess he would be miles away at uni or something. But because he was the man of the house I guess he would have looked after his Mum and cousins like he did back then.

There are so many people I want him to meet. I have met so many wonderful people since that night six years ago. I just know he would have liked them and they would have liked him.

I get the feeling he would have LARPed as well, from how excited he was when I first told him about it. I don't know how frothy he would have gotten about it. I reckon as much as we all were at first but then might have moved on to bigger and better things.

When I think about Chin, I try to think of all the things he would have done between then and now. I think he and Suzi would have gotten together, which would have been ace, then he would have gone to uni and studied for his computer qualifications. Maybe he would have gone down to Brighton. Maybe he and Jo would have been mates. I would have liked that I think. Damn, I wish he could have met Jo :)

I guess he would have finished his degree now and would be working or something. I wonder who he would be seeing and what we would all think of them.

He would have been heavily involved in all the surprise parties we have thrown. I just know he would love that stuff.

It;s then that I really realise how much he missed and how much I miss him, even though it was six years ago that he fell.

There was so much more to come my friend. There was so much you should have been part of. There was so much you should of done that we would have chatted about over a beer. Man, the parties would have been that much cooler if you had been there. You would have made such a big damn hero I know it. I think we would have grown together in a way. I always sensed you were destined for great things, part of me thinks I should try and be great for you, but everyone has to make their own path I think.

There is some much I remember, how you tried to build me up, how you always made everyday exciting, singing 'Peat's a f*cking stud yeah' to Abba's 'Mamma Mia. You were always the cool one :)

So that's how much I miss you today. When I thought about it I realised I do miss you a lot dude. I can't say I'll see you soon, so I'll just stop typing. You were a great friend.

Mark 'Chin' Richards
The legend.