Which Extremity of the World Are You?
From the towering colossi at Rum and Monkey.

Inside the mind and body of Ram is a neurosis that I have not discussed before. I know, I know I thought we were through all these things but it's true there are things about me that I;m scared of. One of those is having some wierd and strange condition or disease that I will ignore and then die horribly.

Then when the doctors disect me to discover the secret of how I died they will go,

"Jeez, this guy was rotting/dying inside and he kept on going. How did he live so long in such pain?"

Not because I;m some kind of hero but because I;m too plain stupid to realise when I'm ill.

This is possibly because I didn't get as ill as my brother when I was a child. He seemed to constantly have a cold or some kind and got other things which he now lives with contentedly. The point is that my bro soldiered through so many things that I never know now whether I should be able to just 'soldier on' or be in bed with some soup.

Sometimes this backfires and I soldier through, only to collapse in a cafe like I did once in my first year. The Doctor looked at me and said 'you should be in bed."

Things I'm worried about:
Diabetes runs in my family-one day I might collapse from too much sugar and my foot will fall off.

Heart attack. I seem to eat poorly and a lot of sugar and fat. Yet I don't seem to gain weight. Is all that fat clogging up my heart? Will it suddenly fail. Then you count in the occassional skips and irregular beat makes for a very paranoid Ram.

Digestion problems ranging all the way up to tapeworm. I am pretty thin after all. Was a deeper digestive problem the cause of my tonsilitis and poor gums?

Anemia-Jo keeps remarking about my sunken eyes. Sometimes I seem really pale and with bloodshot eyes. Am I missing something from my diet? One day a doctor is going to proscribe me with aheavy meat diet because I;m not getting enough protein or something and all my ethics and morals will crash down in a hail of scorn from my peers.

Brittle bones and crones disease and all other things thank make your bones warp and bend (Including extreme arthritis). I've got bow lega already and the thought of my hands seasing up scares me soooooooo much.

Sensitive to stings and bites: I swell up when I get stung or bitten. I seem to have less anti-hysthemiens than when I was a child. WHY?

Passive smoking:I fear that it is my karma to die from lung/mouth/throat cancer and not my mates. Do I have to martyr myself to stop them smoking?

All this adds up to a very paranoid Ram. But I feel a little better about getting all that off my chest. I REALLY HATE smoking. But nevertheless I have stopped going on about it recently.

My Internship is coming to an end, with a lot less money that I expected. I blame the tax man. Gotta get a new job and NOT slink back to ULU.

Jo, I love you.

Ram