'When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you"
Lao Tzu.

Words which resonate with me everytime I think of them. But (as is the way with many sayings of the wise) it is difficult to follow. But as the Buddha wrote:

"However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you,
If you do not act upon them?"

The lesson I learned at the beginning of this week was that you cannot have one rule for yourself and one for everyone else. Even with the best intentions those morals and ethics may bring. This was struck home to me at last by a friend and I am still reeling from the shattering of my ego.

If you're anything like me (may GOD have mercy on us all if you are ;) ) then you're probably a bit(!) paranoid about what other people think. But as Lao Tzu says, you have to accept yourself, as you are in order to lead at least a partially contented life. This is what I tried, but as I destroyed the house of my ego, I was building another one, brick by brick. A house of self-deprication and good intentions. Helping others is great and a noble task, but you have to allow them to help you as well. This is what I didn't do. This made me feel distanced from people in a whole new way to the way I used to be distanced. Funny really.

Yeah.

Hysterical.

But the point is, to feel that the world accepts me is to stop trying to distance myself from it. In all of the ways I was. I had to accept myself. I was not alone, misunderstood and different from everyone else. But to help, they had to know that! They couldn't help because they didn't know. But more importantly, the next day I felt more connected to my mates around me than I had...ever!

Take care. To all the people who are now deeply worried about me. I'm okay! This is progress people! It was a shock (and still is a little) but I can feel it is for the best. This is yet another obstacle on the path to being the best me I can be! I promise you that. In fact, I'm giving up self-deprication for lent! As helpful as it seemed to be, keeping me humble and preparing for disaapointment. It is the flip side of an arrogant ego. Neither is good.

But I'm getting better now!

Peat.