Settling that question...

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I wonder what I should have answered to get 'The Hierophant'. Probably to have said I was religious in some way. Whatever.

Merry Christmas everybody!!!

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Kinda who I expected to be honest, at least the result was a bloke!

Anyway, I find it amazing that I've been posting more than Tom and Steve (I guess they just lead more interesting lives).

I don't really have a lot to say other than a final invite to this weekend's festivities, particularly to 'The Ringmaster' of Circus fame to come to the double bill of the Corpse Bride and Nightmare before Christmas on sunday. Starts at 4:20pm!

On a more neurotic note, I've been feeling very tired of myself recently. As if I've been fake for some time at just realised it. I think I know why this is though, I think SO much about what other people think of me, all the time. Particularly girls, I'm always trying to be charming or the 'humble-nice guy' type from every god-damn Richard Curtis film. Why try to be something I'm not? Anyway, I'm tired of it, I'm tired of being fake to women, yet at the same time, I know being the broken, messed up, geek-loser I am won't get them to like me.

Whatever.

I'm not feeling that down about it, just a little tired in my head. Really looking forward to seeing everyone this weekend though and for those I don't see I hope to see you soon over xmas or in the New Year!

Seasons greetings and wishes for a happy holiday!

Ram.

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Tommorrow Never Knows...

What with the recent explosion of the blogging network of my friends all finding each others blogs and all agreing that The Circus is the best (If you read it, you should comment on it to show my brother that you do read!) I have been looking back upon my rantings and mumblings and can see how much I've changed.

Neil Gaiman wrote about how our bodies are completely renewed every seven years, so we inhereit our things from a dead person. But looking back over some of my entries, it's as if someone else wrote them. In a way, someone else did.

It goes to show that human activity is really building castles in the sand, fun but you have to let go of it. Everything is in motion, I can't hang onto anything.

I think most people know by now how much they mean to me.

I should also practice more 'right action' and drink less.

There is so much I should do before I die.

Ram.

CONFESSIONS OF A RAMALAM

(Or how I learnt to dismantle myself)

Sooner or later you will see this title appear in one of my blogs. Dread that day my friends because it will be the end of something. Perhaps of my illusion that all my concern for the world was actually just an act and my nice-guy persona shatters like a cheap christmas bauble.

Or perhaps it will mean the end of friendships. I don't know.

Maybe I should get it over with.

Confessions:

THE BAD
1. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Be so concerned about doing the right thing that you doubt everything. Be so fixated upon how to not hurt or offend someone that you have to question everything you do. This comes to something more than just paranoia when someone says something about you enough times you start to believe it yourself. Then you have to ask your mates whether it is true.

Be so afraid that you have the mates you have for a reasons other than friendship. For some hidious reason like 'to make yourself feel better'. Is that why I champion chivalry and being nice? To make myself feel better? Be afraid that your friends will dislike you for being you.

Be afraid that your parents love your brother more. Be afraid that you are drifting from your family.

Arrogance is something I cannot abide, so my other worst nightmare is that I am already arrogant. I seem to see evidence everywhere.

Be afraid of your lack of commitment to anything. Work, girls, goals, the world. I talk big but what do I actually DO about it?

THE GOOD
That maybe the above isn't true. Maybe these are just the fears that keep me from really becoming arrogant and evil. I do what I can, when I can. Maybe that is all I can do. Friends, true friends have seen deeper into you than you know. Whatever you might think they ARE your friends.

As Eddie Izzard said, "Blood is thicker than water, but milk is thicker than blood..." *Quizzical expression*. I don't think I could drift from my brother or my Mum and Dad.

And I realise that the above doesn't really matter. It's all in my head, if I just sat down calmly and meditated these fears just wash away, I would see them for what they really are...

Clouds in the sky. Fish, thrashing around on a beach, they flicker and flash and fade. The crumble to dust and are blown away.

I bid you welcome, Zenalam.

Ram.
That wasn't as bad as I thought.

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Man I am becoming so lame these days. I'm not going to Dragonmeet today because I have my essay for monday to write over the weekend. I've been woosing out of everything lately to do my coursework and I think it's starting to piss people off. I just take people for granted and that has to stop. I've got to get out of this rut, and soon.

Last night I did go out with my old Housemate and great pal Dan and his girlfriend Liane. There was a group of us so it was a good night, but I did get a little meryy, but not in my usual really bad, start saying stupid things way. I must learn to just SHUT UP when I'm drinking but I get really chatty for some reason. It's not a good thing. Maybe I should stop drinking altogether. Considering what I just read on a friend's LJ I don't think that would be such a bad thing.

Anyway, I have to go and get some food or I'll starve.

Ram.
Determined to be good to his mates again.

Don't forget, Synthetic culture on 16th, party at mine on 17th (limited crash space) and then maybe a double bill of Corpse Bride and Nightmare before Christmas on the 18th. Could be the Best Weekend Ever.

Ratalam!

I got this off MSN's horoscope page stuff. By the way, I'm a Gemini.

1984: The Rat

Charming, Sociable, Resourceful, Quick-witted, Ambitious, Crafty, Self-serving.

While in the Western World the Rat is looked upon with disgust and revulsion, he is admired and honored in much of the East for his cleverness and aptitude for acquiring things of value. In China and Japan Rats are signs of good luck and prosperity.
The Rat is a charming creature capable of captivating almost anyone. Rats are connoisseurs who take pleasure in flaunting their style. They also possess a great sense of humor. Rats can be very protective and generous to those who are loyal to them.
Rats are also quite self-serving. They have their own goals and ambitions and will not hesitate to advance them. Those outside a Rat's social circle may find them easily riled and verbally abusive. Rats do not often pass up the opportunity to debate.
Rats are very curious about everything, and are always on the hunt for new information—anything that may be of use to them in the present or future.
The Rat’s biggest problem is they find it difficult to see beyond themselves. If they can find room for others they will be well on the way to true happiness.

Famous RATS Include:
Louis Armstrong, Shirley Bassey, Marlon Brando, Doris Day, Clark Gable, Hugh Grant, Charlton Heston, Gene Kelly, Glenda Jackson, Kris Kristofferson, Gary Lineker, Sean Penn, Burt Reynolds, Olivia Newton-John, Tommy Steele, Donna Summer, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kim Wilde.

Ideal Jobs Include:
Financial advisor, Broker, Moneylender, Lawyer, Detective, Antique dealer, Auctioneer, Songwriter, Pathologist.

Lucky Numbers:
1, 4, 5, 10, 11, 14, 41, 45, 51, and 54.

Equivalent Western Sign: Sagittarius

Not sure if I agree with ALL of this above, but I find these things amusing nonetheless. Maybe I could be like a 'New Age' version of 'The Circus' with all the news and amusing stuff from 'Geekland'. No, wait that's everyone's blog ever. I'll just go back to baring my soul. At least I know no one else has that (unless they've broken my heart, in which case they have a piece).

Ram.