THE REST IS SILENCE...

Put up the address to Matt's blog on the sidebar. Glad to have more in the 'blogging fold' as it were. Except the cheeky monkey started it up in September and didn't tell me! Never mind :)

Ram is in an odd state at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I had an awesome weekend, but there is obviously some bad news within it. I don't really need, or feel I should go into it here but it's the kind of news that puts everything into perspective again.

But, rather than filling me with all sorts of 'Carpe diem' thoughts I feel more like a robot. Like I don't have the courage or the strength to pursue my convictions. What is scary about that is right now I don't think I'd mind if I just faded out of existence for a bit.

I don't think I've successfully helped anyone in any major way over the last six months. I don't think I've been there for people when they needed me, given any sage-like or even, 'good friend' advice. I've been very selfish and hoped that whatever rougish charm I've developed would smooth over any acts of selfishness. Then all this stuff happens recently and yet again I am powerless to prevent it, or even to see with diamond-like vision enough to know what to do or say. Maybe I never will.

The end of another chapter in my life looms ever closer with each day, except instead of reving myself up to take on lifes challenges I'm tied down by academia. I have to keep my head down and work (which I should be doing now, come to think of it). I know there is a lot out there. A heck of a lot and nothing would please me more than to go and seek it, with the people that I love.

But such thoughts seem naive to me now. Have I grown old? Have I lost that which I have struggled so hard to keep? Have I become someone who I don't like again?

Maybe it's just the stress of work or something.

Jase gave me a necklace yesterday, it's the same design as the one he and Lex wear. But I don't think I deserve it.

But that's going to change. I've wallowed too long in this spiritual coma and now it's time to wake up again. I'm going to start afresh again. After all, the past and the future are merely thoughts inside my head. I can be the best Ram I can be.

So I will promise you, my dearest friends. My noble comrades, brothers and sisters.

Ram doesn't give up, he just takes breathers.
Then when the dust settles from all this hardship I see in our lives, we should all get together. I'll bring the ice cream :)