Peat, begin again.

Okay, here's where I bear my soul. A few people have said this is a brave move. Here we go:

Not too bad now.

Only joking, my life would never be that simple would it? Running through my mind then:

1. Romance: There is a lack of any females on the horizon so in a way it's a good thing that Kiera Knightley could step into my life unchallenged, but seeing my mates tonight getting a great deal of attention from ladies I must say I miss the excitement of the chase. Even though I get scared, but I guess we all get scared. When I get back to Uni, I'm sure things will continue and when I'm least expecting it, BANG. There it is. Hope, yes, that's what it feels like.

2. Betrayal: For perhaps the last time a friend of mine has let me down. Despite everything they didn't turn up where they said they would. I wouldn't mind so much but they were letting down not just me but other people. It broke my heart and I'm not sure I can speak to them again. Sounds horrid and I don't like the feeling but there it is... Not sure I can forgive this one after so many times they've done it before.

3. Friendship: This is going to sound even more harsh but I've realised this holiday that the majority of friends at uni I don't like that much. People repeatedly dig at my beliefs in vegetarianism, pacifism and buddhism and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of taking their jokes (which ordinarily I wouldn't mind but the sheer amount has finally gotten to me). I'm tired of being like a non-person to them. A punching bag and an emotional sponge. I care about them, listen to their problems without ridicule only to have them dig at my problems constantly.

I have a hard enough time in the urban jungle as it is, trying to carve happiness out of stone and concrete without people bringing me down with morals about no-hope, no-fun, no beauty.

To quote Minor threat:
"You say you can't change the world,
At least I'm f*cking trying,
What the f*ck have you done?"

Now, don't get the impression that I'm going to rage at you all. This is just something I had to get off my chest. Don't get the idea that it's EVERYBODY I know at uni because it's not, but those ones I know have good hearts I can't get to because of all the sh*t I get and the barriers we put up to protect ourselves from the concrete jungle.

This year will be different.

Rant over.

Take care, just had to say it.

Peat.