THE RING OF THE RAMALAMUNGERLIED

So things begin anew and afresh. I'm feeling a lot better, my cold is slowly leaving me and I can actually be enthused about things again!

Let's retread the familiar threads:

1) Ladies:
Having gotten closure with Emily I think I understand where I went wrong with Fiona. I went mental. Simple you might say but at the time... Okay so I was an idiot! What do you want from me!?! ;)

Instead of actually trying to go out with her I just went mad, convincing myself I couldn't have her. To appreciate this fully; In my subconscious; love, attraction, etc are mixed up with longing and perhaps a sense of 'forbidden'. I think this all stems from early crushes and the like on girls I couldn't have at school/6th form (because they had boyfriends, didn't fancy me, etc).

Still with me? To summarise, I like girls I can't have and even when I can have them my mind creates reasons for why I can't have them to try to produce this angst-ridden longing I seem to be so fond of. 'The Peat Melodrama' as some call it.

As for Fiona, I like her but at the time when I first got to know her she had split up with her boyfriend and was in a bad way. I felt I couldn't approach her so I started acting up in other ways (I may have mentioned before about the time I set fire to myself = angst, attention seeking, etc). Ever since I think she has been afraid of me, afraid of my mind, that I could do something crazy but she has expressed some interest.

Then, last night on the bus home I had this revelation. Of course she wasn't attracted to a sad, puppy-love, angst ridden maniac! Why didn't I just be the cool, fun loving, post-modern knight? So, she gets off the bus a few stops before me. I give her a big smile and a gun point. She smiles back in a way I've never seen her do to me before, a cheeky wrinkling of the nose and the cutest grin ever.

Now maybe I'm making too much of this one incident but I think it shows in microcosm what my point is. We act differently around one another when we were both angsty. Her smiles were ones of pity or fear. That one was different. This could be the turning point, not in a romantic sense but in a sense of friendship. And that is one I look forward to.

2) Bailey mentions the Promised Land in his blog, which only goes further to illustrate my point that there is somewhere over the rainbow which is calling to some of us (I know what you mean about the rain :) ). It's kinda like a farm I guess, but what's more important is the feeling you have when you are there. Awe at the beauty and joy at being with your mates are the main ones methinks. Maybe a house together would be cool. It's at least a step towards a community. I am troubled by the amount of evil corporations and governments do. Is one way to be free to remove ourselves from all that? To set up our own realm where people can come and be free?

I read a review of 'The Corporation'. It looks really good and damning of corporations but apparently offers no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. The reviewer summed it up by saying,

"In the sixties, they thought they could change the world, at this rate we'll be lucky if we can save it."

We can save the world my friends. The promised land is out there somewhere.

Peat.
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield