Doubt as a teacher...

I haven't written for a while as I have had a lot of work to to. Or to be more accurate, I've had a lot of work I've been stressing that I SHOULD do. But I seem to have a few minutes free now to keep you updated.

As ever, monday nights seem to hold great dilema, or angst or even wonderous joy sometimes. This time I was struck by doubt. Doubt that maybe I'm not strong enough to be a Buddhist, that I don't have the strength of will to follow the eightfold path. That I could just give up and live out my rollercoaster of emotions reasonably content. As I sobered up and eventually got home (resisting the urge to go and rant at a friend about the pain of unrequited love) I sat on my roof and thought. Coming to a compromise of giving up without giving up I went to bed.

But of course, when I woke up again I was more determined than ever to follow this path. The doubt taught me that no one is forcing me to do this, no one is going to tell me off for not following this path. Buddha was 19 years old when he walked out of his palace and saw the suffering of the world. It was then when he vowed to transcend that and help everyone. With all that's happened this year so far I think I am ready. I think the obvious place to begin would be with purifying the body, no more alcohol for a start!

Take care.

Peat.