The praise I get sometimes is astounding. I have had brief conversations with friends about 'darkness' and 'light'. I found a friend of mine in a darkened hallway at a party recently:

Me: What are you doing in the dark?"

Friend: "It's easier in the dark."

Me: "No it's not, you just get used to it after a while. You start to feel like you belong there. But that just isn't true. I know where of I speak."

Friend: "Have you spent seven years in the dark?"

Me: (After a moment of speculation) "Yes."

It sounds much more pretentious written down then when it happened. It was all in a semi-drunk, tongue in cheek fashion then. But I stand by my opinion that the 'dark' (whatever than may mean) is cold, lonely and depressing. I felt like I belonged there, as if every time I stepped into the light I did something wrong and so slunk away again. But that just wasn't the case. Emotional paranoia and fragility told me that but the only truely negative stuff came from me. No one said anything bad about me, but myself!

Another friend told me last night that the 'light' of Buddhism is the brightest they know, they respect me highly for choosing such a path (Despite it being well known I am the worst Buddhist ever! :) ).

In summary: The light is accepting, joyful and uplifting. I could not be part of the fellowship I am now without being 'in the light'. The dark is, well, dark. Full of angst, pain and misery. But above all it's lonely. It felt like no one understood when I was in the dark. But that was because I didn't let them bring me to the light. In the light, people care, people want to help and people like you for who you really are.

There, rant over.

Take care,

Peat.